'Big Brother 5:' Trust it as Far as You Can Throw It
By Daniel Fienberg
So I was at a CBS party on Sunday night (July 18) at Dodger Stadium and "Big Brother" host Julie Chen was talking happily with reporters and CBS publicists until an advertisement for her show appeared on the Jumbotron. She responded to her own picture by running forward several steps, clapping her hands in pleasure. It turns out that no matter how happy I am to see Julie on Thursday (July 22) night's episode, somewhere out there, Julie is even happier to see Julie.
Julie arrives for her superfluous recap of the week's events, but it's very difficult to concentrate on the memories of the now-defunct Operation Security Blanket or the Veto ceremony. Everybody is staring at Julie's gauzy blue shirt and wondering one simple thing: Dude, is Julie's top see-through?
Marvin is talking to people and that's a bad idea. Or, rather, he's talking to people who haven't pledged the House's central power fraternity. Uh-oh. Scott and Jase are already plotting to give Marvin the boot. Jase explains to the camera that Marvin shouldn't be trusting him as far as he can throw him. It turns out that Marvin agrees and tells Diane that he doesn't believe Jase to the distance he can hurl him. Then, Marvin informs the camera that nobody should count on anybody to the full extent that they can toss them. I'm confused. Even though I've been working out, I doubt I could pick Marvin up, much less heave him anywhere. That means that I'm not supposed to trust him, right? Hopefully somebody will explain this to me later.
After begging for eviction early this week, Lori has decided that $10,000 just isn't enough and she wants to stick around. Karen, who figured she was getting a free pass this week, is slightly annoyed with the new threat.
Julie greets the pink-clad housemates. Jase admits that he was too drunk to even remember using the Veto. Holly giggles at her good fortune and Julie gives her a metaphorical pat on the head and moves on. Adria explains, I think, that the house's atypical diet of seafood and dairy has led to a lot of intestinal blockage. I'm not sure if that's a pretty picture, but it's better than concentrating on the ruffles on Julie's shirt lest I catch a glimpse of something that should be for Les Moonves' eyes only. Although I'm fairly certain that the shirt is opaque, it just isn't a chance I'm willing to take.
Back in Birmingham, Alabama, Natalie and Adria's family discuss the Project DNA twist and recount the halcyon days when the two gals had big hair and used to swap boyfriends. Both women have married bald guys with goatees, which is either sweet or perverse. We're fine with either option. CBS should look into a reality show in which husbands swap their identical twin wives. It's the way forward.
In the HoH bedroom, Marvin is ready to speak his mind with Julie, admitting that Jase's use of the Veto still ticks him off. Then, once again, Marvin reveals that as far as he can throw people is exactly how far he can trust them. Thanks Marvin. I've finally got it straight now.
The consensus in the Diary Room is that Lori should be preparing to leave the house. One or two people are impressed with her gamesmanship and suggest that if she can survive it'll show what a strong player she is. Scott emphasizes that even if Lori finds a way to survive, she still won't be as pretty as he is.
Will, who has made it his personal goal to teach Americans (or at least Michael) that not all homosexuals are drag queens (Eddie Izzard has already explained amply that not all drag queens are gay), gets a long filler tribute. Although Julie promises that the feature will show us the real Boy from Mississippi, all we discover is that the girls in the house all love Will (though not as much or in the same way as they love Pretty Boy Drew) and trust him and that the men seem not to have opinions about him.
Given the chance to make their defensive speeches, Karen and Lori agree that they really just love each other.
By a vote of 7-2, Karen is safe and Lori is going home. All the pink people hug her and Lori is let loose on the unsuspecting world and the fully suspecting Julie Chen. But could we stop for a second and discuss Holly's see-through mesh top, short white skirt and yellow platform shoes? With every episode, I'm becoming less and less certain that there's a Rhodes Scholar beneath that bubbly exterior. As a potentially covert strategist, Holly was fascinating. As an unaffected ditz? I'm not sure I care for her very much.
Everybody's sad to see Lori go in the farewell message except maybe for Holly. Even Scott finds a way to give Lori a bit of credit for being a threat. That's a big step for him. Adria and Natalie appear together in their farewell message and Lori is shocked by the twist.
It's Head of Household time on "Big Brother." The housemates are all blindfolded for a game of "Hi-Lo." It's an intellectual game and a challenge that requires the contestants to have paid attention to the other housemates, so Scott and Holly might as well just sit out. They are, indeed, the first two eliminated. It only takes three questions to eliminate everybody but Drew.
So Pretty Boy Drew is the new HoH and power seems to remain in the hands of the Gang of Four. However, I don't know about you, faithful reader, but I'm not ready to trust Drew any farther than I can throw him.
Big Bro 5's Happy Reject
by Angel Cohn
Big Brother 5's first cast-off, Mike Lubinski, 41, was pretty much relieved to be ousted. This staunchly conservative single dad ran into trouble with some younger studs — Scott and Jase, an allied pair who viewed his knowledge of the game as a big threat. Plus, as the commercial painter tells TV Guide Online, sitting around doing nothing was about as exciting as, well, watching paint dry.
TVGO: Was your family glad you didn't put on women's underwear like the other guys did in the margarita reward challenge?
Mike: They were all proud that I didn't sink to lower levels.
TVGO: Didn't that make Jase think you weren't a team player, though?
Mike: No. I think it was because I went around telling everybody that Scott and Jase were the strongest alliance. When they found out I was saying that, that's when they planned to get rid of me. Everybody else in there was kind of afraid to do anything against them.
TVGO: Scott remarked about you being "right" that he is the strongest player. Did that bug you?
Mike: He misunderstood me, and I would like to correct him on that when I see him again. I didn't say that he was the strongest. I said they were the strongest. I think that got his head blown up even further.
TVGO: All that confidence could come back to bite him.
Mike: You don't know how much I hope that it does.
TVGO: On the show, you said this game could drive you to the psych ward. What's worse: The game playing or the lack of outside contact?
Mike: The length of the days was hard. The intelligence level of conversation was so low. And then, you put two people like Scott and Jase in my face 24/7, and I'm missing my family. All of that made it so that I didn't care if I had to leave.
TVGO: With no TV or entertainment, what exactly do you do all day?
Mike: Nothing. You get up and scrounge up something to eat, if you are not on peanut butter. Even if you aren't, they are eating the food in there like locusts. So you get something to eat. Then, what I did everyday was lay out and talk a little bit. You kind of just go in a circle; you sit over here for a while and then you sit over there. That's all you do.
TVGO: That would drive me crazy!
Mike: It was killing me. I was like, "Oh, my God, I can't do this until September."
TVGO: Will you ever eat PB&J sandwiches again? You were forced to eat 'em for a week!
Mike: You know what? That didn't bother me in the least. As a matter of fact, I had one before I left.
TVGO: So you weren't mad at Lori for giving up the household food for $10,000?
Mike: No. I told her that I would have done the same thing. For one week, I didn't care.
TVGO: Will you stay friendly with anyone from BB5?
Mike: Yes. I would like to see Marv again. I'm supposed to be going to Will's house when he gets out and Diane is coming to my house when she gets out.
See BB5's Jase in a Will and Grace eppy. Look just behind Karen and Jack as they chat. Spiky hair was in then, but not a headband in sight!
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